I once dreamed of being her in my youth
To be desirable, yet unattainable, radiant, confident, elusive
With hair that was long and flowing like the Nile
I wanted commitment to escape my loose grip
I wanted to be faint, but significant
I wanted to create the mold society would want to imitate
I did not want to be understood but admired
I wanted to be like air
I found that I was unhappy in my journey towards un-involvement and glory, underserved
I became spiteful, lonely, envious, and hurt
Over time, I learned
That for my life to be beautiful, it would need to be healthy first
It became clear that I didn’t need to leave,
I needed to stay, to put down roots, and to grow slow
Somewhere between silence and sound, I saw that this life could be more than mundane with heartbreaking news in-between, I saw that there could be beauty
I see that strength is available to those who dig deeper
I see now that life offers us the opportunity to stay when our emotions are shouting at us to run
I am allowing myself to let my roots run deep
Deeper than they have ever been
Yes, I am afraid
But I cannot stop
I must continue to grow 