This is me changing. This is me letting go of the crazy past that once defined me. This is me forgetting what my parents told me about myself and who they told me I should be. This is me allowing myself to be the person I’ve always wanted to be without feeling like I don’t deserve it, without the fear of messing it all up again, without the fear of relapsing to who I once was. This is me finally learning from my mistakes. This is me growing wiser. This is me growing stronger.
This is me being still. This is me doing my part in getting what I want but also learning when to stop. Also learning how not to cross the line between wanting something and forcing it to happen. This is me letting go of my desperate need to have things go my way or control them. This is me learning that not getting what I want doesn’t make me a loser or a quitter. This is me learning to switch roles with the universe from time to time and watch how things unfold. Watch what the universe has in store for me.
This is me feeling the fear but not letting it stop me. This is me living with fear instead of running away from it. This is me living with loneliness instead of trying to fill it with emptiness or temporary things. This is me living with the voices in my head instead of trying to fight them. This is me accepting that my mind will never be at peace but that won’t stop me from finding my inner peace. This is me learning that even if the voices in my head are driving me crazy, I’ll always use my voice in the best way possible. This is me learning that I could listen to these voices but I don’t have to believe them.
This is me setting myself free from the picture-perfect life I once wanted to live. This is me learning that maybe my picture was out of focus. Maybe my picture wasn’t very clear. Maybe I took the wrong picture. This is me learning how to live without trying to take the perfect picture or mirror someone else’s portrait. This is me setting myself free from my own expectations. This is me learning how to wait for the right things at the right time. This is me making peace with timing. This is me giving myself a break from deadlines.
This is me learning how to live with the confusion, the pain and the irony of it all. This is me trying to make this life a friend rather than an enemy. This is me learning that maybe I’m not in the wrong place or surrounded by the wrong people. Maybe this is exactly where I’m meant to be. Maybe this is where I belong. This is me learning to have faith in God and his plans. This is me finally learning how to breathe as I take the weight of everyone’s expectations, including my own, off my shoulders.